Bothan Herald:Victory on Christophsis

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Arsonius T. Xenophasis is wondering why they haven't just fixed bayonets and charged...

Today the Republic has regrouped and has reengaged the Separatists on Christophsis with astounding results. Using what little could be salvaged from the destruction of our armaments, Kenobi and Skywalker established themselves near the city’s main street, which is poorly advised from a tactical stance. Far better if they were to have fortified our soldiers within the confines of an easily defensible building, but no, they insisted upon occupying a location with innumerable access-points from tributary roads and alleys. From this position we defended ourselves against General Loathsom’s attack. It was a startlingly unoriginal attack plan, consisting of marching at us again and again with more and more droids. In response, he began siege of a refugee camp, which this publication must admit was indeed loathsome. Fortunately for the Republic, his forces were repelled forthwith.

Separatist forces were spread thin over this world, more so than our own paltry units, if only because all of our troops were concentrated here. Loathsom recognized this and sought to unite two of his units, a plan that was foiled by the arrival of our Star Destroyer Dauntless. Finally, I witnessed tactically viable warfare when it bombarded the droids, driving Loathsom into retreat. Of course, this retreat did not last long, and soon we were attacked again. In response, Kenobi and his clones launched a maneuver that would have made the entire Academy on Carida burst into tears, charging headlong down the street to meet the Separatist armored units with their own armor. The only reason this did not end in utter catastrophe is because Skywalker and a handful of his own clones surprised the Separatists by attacking their flank from a rooftop. Taking temporary leave of his sanity, for there is no other explanation possible, Loathsom ordered a general retreat. Once again victory results not from martial superiority on our part, but because of gross ineptitude on theirs.

Meanwhile, in orbit, Admiral Yularen continued to duel the Separatist armada. He then displayed atrocious moral backbone by sending a child Jedi onto the battlefield to deliver the strategically irrelevant message that she is to be Skywalker’s apprentice. It was in this meeting that the astonishing news arrived that the Jedi Council has been completely unaware of our efforts here! No reinforcements were forthcoming because, for all intents and purposes, we were not factored into the war at all! Making matters worse, Admiral Yularen was soon forced to depart the system in order to preserve his ship from destruction.

We were trapped here by a droid army advancing under cover of a mobile deflector shield, but finally the Jedi chose to utilize their strange powers for a task of distinct usage to our clones. Their grasp of sufficient numbers, however, remained dubious, for both Kenobi and Skywalker each took a single squad with them while stalling the advancing droids. Only once this was done did they embark upon their foremost goal of destroying the Separatist shield generator which was negating our artillery. It was to my horror and moral revulsion that I learned the child Jedi Ahsoka Tano was to accompany Skywalker on his task! Such reprehensible use of a minor barely in her teens is beyond contempt! What has happened to the Republic? Where is its virtue?

Thankfully, the ploy worked, and the shield was destroyed. General Kenobi apprehended General Loathsom, who cowardly ordered his whole army to surrender, bringing victory to the Republic. The Separatist leaders consistently show themselves to be abject cowards who are personally unwilling to risk either life or limb on behalf of their cause, so why has not the Jedi Order long ago sent members to apprehend these inept misfits? This war should have ended soon after it began!

The Bothan Herald reporter Karohalva.

"This is The Bothan Herald."
―James Earl Jones