Battle of Endor

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The Battle of Endor was a battle that happened on Endor. The battle was between those whiny babies and that evil dude. The battle was also one of the times that evil dude I mentioned earlier released the biggest piece of crap since the election of George W. Bush, and where some furry little demons teamed up with those whiny babies I mentioned earlier.


A gay scout trooper was hanging out in a shiny metal box, eating a cookie and drinking, when some furry dude known as an Ewok hijacked his box and stole his cookie. Then he drove away. This made the Scout Trooper cry. Later, the rebels and their bad sense of direction, crashed into a tree with their junky airplanes. This gave them lots of ouchies. Then an Ewok came over and took a crap. All the rebels thought they where some fluffy, cute, little teddy bears, and they wanted help because they're planet was being polluted. THAT WASN'T IT AT ALL. Anyways, the rebels wanted to help the Ewoks, but they where kidnapped by the Ewoks and forced into slavery. So many of the rebels just killed themselves. Meanwhile, the Stormtroopers tried to get the Scout trooper to calm down, but when he wouldn't calm down, they just said "SHUT UP ALREADY!" Then Darth Vader found out it was all the Ewok's fault and they decided to go to war against the Ewok's. They all headed out to make the species extincted, however, when they got to the Ewoks Secret Base, they saw the rebel alliance. Luke Skywalker said a Yo Mama joke to Darth Vader, and that pissed Darth Vader off, so he declared war against the Rebel Alliance and the Ewoks. So it was The Dark Side VS. The Rebel Alliance and the Ewoks.

Stuff That Happened In The Battle

As soon as the metal chickens where released, they all broke down, and Luke Skywalker just stared at them for a moment, then laughed out loud. Meanwhile, the Galactic Empire was really kicking some rebel ass, while the Ewoks where eating random things, not even paying attention to the battle. At one point, everyone was assigned to a coffee break, then the "epic" battle resumed. More and more trees were burning down.

The AT-ST after Chewbacca customized it

Eventually, Chewbacca had an evil plan, and hijacked an AT-ST and customized it a little bit. Then he decided to pilot it for a little while and shoot all of the evil people. However, as soon as he started the At-St up, it exploded. All the fighters where distracted by this. Meanwhile, the Ewoks got really hungry because explosions made them hungry. So they ate everybody.


We all know that 2+2 is 4 right? Well now its time for some math you probably didn't know. The math that happened after the battle. The Rebels where pooped out, and since the Galactic Empire side wasn't, they decided that they won the battle. The Galactic Empire side was however pooped out too, right after the Rebel Alliance had escaped Endor. The Galactic Empire kicked all of the rebels ass shortly after they escaped Endor too, and the Ewoks all committed suicide for no reason. An those chicken walkers sort of just laid there, and later exploded.

Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on Battle of Endor.