B1 battle droid
- "On my mark, Mark."
"Fire at will, Will!"
- ―B1 battle droids, making insufferable puns while dying by the thousands
B1 battle droids were products of the Trade Federation. They were fearsome opponents on the battlefield. B1s proved effective on almost every target imaginable, as long as all you could imagine were unarmed populations consisting mostly of seven-year-olds. B1s saw extensive use by the Confederacy of Independent Systems during the Clone Wars.
B1s were not cluttered with bulky artificial intelligence or electronic brains. Left to their own devices, they would often inadvertently short-circuit themselves by staring directly up into a rainstorm with their power generator casings open. Also, they required constant updates to their operating systems, and their registers got so cluttered with unused files and file remnants, their processing speed fell to almost nothing after a few months of battle. Fortunately, few B1s lived that long. Certain battle strategies caused them to freeze motionless while their eyes glowed blue (known to frustrated users as the Blue Routine of Death). Rifles that were specifically designed to be used by B1s would often refuse to install because of driver errors. Oh, and if you blew up their droid control ship, they'd experience an error called a CTG or crash-to-ground.
B1s armed with blaster rifles and complemented by STAP platforms and AAT tanks brought about a short-lived victory for the Trade Federation in the Invasion of Naboo by swarming the capital city. They emerged victorious despite some of the Royal Naboo Security Forces actually having guns and shooting back. Captain Panaka was heard to remark, "I can't believe we're losing to these things." Later on, Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi showed up and slaughtered them all in an hour or so.
- "I would like to take these people to Coruscant."
"Huh-huh-huh-huh. You said 'wood.' Huh-huh-huh."
- ―Qui-Gon Jinn, trying to bluff his way past a B1 battle droid
Eventually, after the formation of the Confederacy of Independent Systems, the B1 battle droids became foot soldiers in the Separatist Droid Army. The Techno Union designed a number of "power-ups" for the B1s to use, including:
- the "Super Mushroom," causing them to upgrade to a B2 super battle droid
- the "Fire Flower," causing them to upgrade to the flame battle droid
- the "Super Leaf," causing them to upgrade to the raccoon battle droid
- the "Frog Suit"
- the "Mynock Suit"
- "Kuribo's Shoe"
B1 battle droids participated in the Battle of Geonosis. Experts say there is a distinct possibility one of their shots may have hit a Jedi at some point. Throughout the rest of the Clone Wars, the droids were typically pitted against clone troopers, against whom their kill ratios were significantly higher. To save the clones from embarrassment, any soldier killed by a B1 battle droid had their death certificate written to say "slipped on a banana peel, fell down a flight of stairs, and died."
At one point a B1 battle droid had the head of C-3PO attached to its body. From that point on, all B1s enjoyed Village People music, had excellent fashion sense, and couldn't throw a baseball properly.
Battle droids of this kind are known for having embarrassing outbreaks, most likely during battle. Some of these droids are born without "death stars", thus when kicked between their legs, they can stand the pain. It is likely that these naked looking robotic dish-racks are retarded, or have another disability, however, they might not be fully handicapped.